The King of Queens

Well well people. Another week down and another weekend chock full of sightseeing, social outings and general ocker behaviour (at last count I've said 'mate' 42,349 times since arriving).

Have been working on a hedge fund audit up on 57th St. Both here and in Australia there are managed funds which your everyday Mum and Dad investors put small amounts of their hard earned into in the hope of some meager return after they've paid all the management fees. Hedge funds in the US are essentially the same except:
1. they are not publicly listed;
2. you need to know someone who knows someone;
3. be able to invest a truckload of money;
4. be willing to pay unreasonable fees to the fund manager
(1% of funds under mgt and 20% of profit);
5. BUT expect to receive a return well above market rates.

In a way, these hedge funds seem to reflect the American society I am bearing witness to. Money talks here more than anywhere in the world. It was an eye-opening experience sitting in this "Trader's" office whilst analysts ran around barking instructions on selling short and buying long. I must watch Wall Street again sometime soon. Gordon Gecko and his mantra of "greed is good" would not have been out of place there. The contrast was stark when I left work for the day and unwittingly skipped over a homeless man lying in a doorway just two doors down. The ever-widening socio-economic rift between the middle and lower classes could not have been more heavily underlined.

Making the journey uptown was not without it hiccups. Usually in possession of an excellent sense of bearings, the New York subway played havoc with this confused young Aussie. After studying the maps the night previous, I was confident I had determined the most efficient route - take the L to 6th Ave and then an R to 57th. My timing on the first morning was off but I got there ok. As I was a little late, the effervescent graduate on the assignment made it his priority to help me out - advising a express Q train would get me there quicker and more direct.

The next morning I boarded the Q in the expectation of a trouble free journey. Stations whizzed by as expected given this was an express. Foolishly I immersed myself in the New York Times - gleaning as much local news as I could during the anticipated 8 minute ride. I became concerned when the train had failed to stop by the time I hit the news section (as I read the paper from back (ie sport) to front). The fuzzy announcement came across the speakers "Next stop : Queens Plaza". I had caught some super express to Queens. Queens!!! I had to wait 30 minutes for the next Manhattan bound train and was over an hour late.

I now refer to that train as the Far Q line.

Happy Australia Day.

Go Bagdhatis!!!

This city's not big enough for me. 

Bridge over troubled waters : Let's just say there were things in that water that shouldn't be described. 

Living in the Village : Has made me all artisitic. 

I do not need a haircut!! : I have modelled my current style on this character from The Incredibles. Mum I'll pay for the flight. Just bring the scissors. 

I'm on the doorlist : Under 'Brooklyn Bridge +1'. 

I'll have a salmonella with extra e-coli? : One of the numerous street vendors I have deliberately avoided. 

My escape route : This is my office's backdoor. Lexington Avenue featuring the Chrysler Building. 

Empire What? : Forget the Empire State Building. The Chrysler is where it's at. 

Highway to hell : Each day I make the 30 minute journey up Third Avenue to work. 

The Batcave : AKA Grand Central Terminal. 

I'll have a footlong: the NYC Subway (Grand Central Station). 

Pee Politics

Thanks everyone for your feedback. It's been inspirational.
Just a quick post to enlighten you on what has been a disturbing few days at work.

Over the last 48 hours I have experienced multiple (i repeat multiple) contraventions of the unwritten laws of urinal politics. Not once but twice have I exercised my right as the first 'drainee' to choose the furtherest of three urinals. This illustration of urinal etiquette (as it creates a situation where upon arrival of the second 'drainee' he can select the opposite urinal thus leaving the middle urinal as a buffer) was completely disregarded by the good people of Manhattan - as they chose to frequent the middle cubicle. The offending drainees, not content with their initial infractions, proceeded to disgust me further. The first attempted an informal conversation about the weather - a second contravention of the laws except where alcohol has been involved - I ignored him. The second proceeded to intitiate an exorcism of whatever was residing in his chest - I dry reached and evacuated hastily.

New York's great. There's just a lot of freaks here.

Kate Wilkie's birthday today. She has reminded me constantly since our arrival. I thought it prudent to buy her a present. On Saturday night I ate the last slice of cheese. Kate loves cheese. When she left Fiddlesticks later that evening, she had only one thing on her mind - that last cheese slice - which she assumed was still there. Upon arriving home I received a mini Spanish Inquisition into the whereabouts of the said cheese slice.

So for Kate's birthday I bought her a nice little pink box (with a bow) and placed inside a slice of cheese. I also got her a can opener because she bought cans of soup despite our apartment lacking the means with which to open them. So thoughtful.

So it's out for Mexican and a few Coronas tonight.
Work not worth writing about. I'm here though. It's a small price to pay.

Living in a wireless wonderland

Well it didn't take long (and I haven't even purchased one of the t-shirts) but I LOVE NEW YORK. And just like any other development of 'genuine feelings', this realisation was delivered by accepting the beloved's shortcomings and basking in it's glories. And bask I have (even though it's tough basking whilst it's snowing).

Eisner (my host firm) were kind enough to provide "welcoming" drinks at one of the numerous "Irish" bars around the office building on Thursday night. The powers that be clearly hadn't checked the TV schedule as this clashed with the new episode of The OC. In retaliation, I planned on going OT (off tap). After continuing the spread of my Heath Ledger/Skippy legend, I initiated my "loosest character in the southern hemisphere" program. It wasn't long until shots were being ordered and orders being shot. The South Africans bore the brunt of this twin-Aussie onslaught (as Kate joined the fray) - nicknames were quickly established and used with lethal intent. One unfortunate Cape Towner has a striking resemblance to Snake from DeGrassi Junior High - enough said. Another called Chris Cruoss wore a stripey jumper. He was soon instructed to put his jeans on backwards and start jumping or he'll miss the bus (a little 90s rap trivia for you all) whilst Kate yelled "Where's Wally?" at him. Devastation of the magnitude had not been witnessed in these parts since Hurricane Katrina tore through New Orleans.

But the nightlife here is not actually one of the reasons I finally succumbed to this unbelievable city. In fact it is almost impossible to describe exactly what it is that makes it so amazing. I was walking through Times Square (not for the first time), looked around and thought back to when other people had attempted to describe this and the rest of Manhattan to me. Despite animated attempts by many, their words couldn't paint this picture. You just don't fully appreciate until you have been here.

Then there are all the little things. I spend an inordinate amount of time browsing the aisles of the supermarket - fixated on ridiculous products but distracted by the ever present scent of cinnamon fused with cherry (which they must distribute to every shop in the US to pump through their air conditioning). I then head home to watch one of the 120+ channels on cable. Absolutely ridiculous. It would appear the 'flicking' gene has not skipped me as I am now a chronic sufferer. I fear my concentration span is suffering. What was I talking about? Oh yeah.

Some time ago US Fed Reserve Chairman Al Greenspan asserted that Australia's economy was being held back because we were lagging technologically - I can now see why. This country should be called e-USA. There are wireless access points everywhere here. I went to login to work via a 'landline' in my apartment when a little box popped up suggesting I log onto the free wireless network supplied by the building. No worries. Super fast, secure and free. Don't twist my arm. Within a matter of seconds I was downloading music, movies and surfing the net with no strings ("cords") attached. What a city.

Luckily I am still in that early dreamy lovey dovey phase of a relationship and are far from content to stay at home and just watch telly on the couch. I've continued my adventures in my surrounding neighbourhood and feel 'at home' in SE Manhattan. I savored a moccha latte at Deane & Deluca and cherish the boutique shopping strips of Soho & Noho. I've also joined the NYSC and am continuing my 'pre-season' training with a view to returning in Round 6.

Nonetheless my experiences in the supermarket, watching TV and surfing the web help explain the first 'issue' I had to overcome with NYC. The high prevalence of FB's or Front Bums. I won't explain this in too much detail except that in many instances it is hard to tell whether Americans - both men and women- are facing you or away from you if you could only see from their knees to their belly buttons. This nasty little eyesore presented itself with such regularity that Kate and I started a tally but had to abort given our inability to accurately record such astronomical figures. We've now begun to label products in supermarkets as 'FB factors' - like double choc chip peanut butter cookies double dipped in chocolate - now available in king size. The FB phenomena been deterrent enough for me to avoid any fast food, hershey product or krispy kreme donut up until know. I can only benefit from America's loss.

So it finally snowed on Saturday night. Pity I couldn't get a cab and had to walk 8 blocks crosstown with no beanie, scarf or gloves. It's currently 28 degrees F. Thats about minus 2 degrees C (32 degrees F is 0 degrees C - you divide the difference by 1.8???). I've also be introduced to the meteorological concept of 'feels like'. American weather guys use this when they should just say - 'it's bloody cold - don't go outside'. Instead they say - 'It's 32 but feels like 8'.

Well that was a massive splurge. Apologies - I'll keep the rest short and sharp. Finally, I figured out how to upload photos (see below). You can click on them for an enlarged image (if you need to make my head any bigger - personally I think it's big enough - the beanie salesman here agree).

Keep it real.

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it." - Ferris Bule-er 

Heading for trouble : The eternal search for my origins leaves me with shit on my face.

You're fired : I found the Donald J Trump range of business shirts too starchy. Nonetheless the man is everywhere in NYC.

Feeling horny.

Locking horns : with the Wall St Bull.

Money money money : Wall Street and the NYSE. Where the Dow Jones hangs out.

Where the streets have no name : except this ones called Broadway.

How I love her pointy head : Alouette now comes in light - is this the version performed by Josh not Hugh?

Little Chloe Amber Shimmer - my 'niece' C Factor drops her first syncronized Blue Steele with Uncle Bully

Red sky at night, Buley's delight - Australia farewells me with a beautiful sunset.

Melbourne VIC 3000 - where I do my best work.

One week gone....

As is often the case with me, this blog has been heavily promoted but a long time coming. Nonetheless, the city of New York has been kind enough to finally spare me five minutes to make my first post. It has been that hectic.

Before I begin my ramblings on this first week here, I apologise for this long first post. Nonetheless I personally despise long winded group emails - hence I have created this blog so you can catch up on what I'm doing as much or as little as you want/need. I promise my subsequent postings will be smaller and more frequent. If you have any news or questions then email me on bulebulebule@internode.on.net.

So here it goes.....

I set off from Melbourne with my co-NYC secondee Kate Wilkie at lunchtime on Wednesday. My 24 hours in transit was dominated by a lack of sleep and repeated viewing of the 2005 Ashes series highlights - mildly depressing. A highlight was crossing paths with the chick who plays Sacha on Headland (worst show ever) on the plane and then again a few days later on the street outside my apartment. Despite my anticipation anxiety, I cleared immigration with relative ease at LAX. A 4 hour layover in LA only served to completely vindicate my decision to join the Qantas Club after a shower, some real food and a comfy seat.

I touched down at John F. Kennedy airport late on last Wednesday night. As I hurried out of the terminal keen to begin my Big Apple 'experience', my surge lasted only a matter of seconds before it was abruptly interrupted by a strong New York accent too familiar given the brief time I had been here. Looking up I found myself face to face with John McEnroe (wearing a Yankees cap backwards and ripped jeans). You cannot be serious.

Taking this as a fortuitous omen, I shrugged off my ever increasing weariness and pushed out into the cold Brooklyn night to find my driver and then my apartment. Located on 12th St between 3rd and 4th Ave, my new abode would be described by a real estate agent as "cosy neo-classical two bedroom apartment with rustic touch ideal for young professional buyer". This of course translates to "small but warm, bedrooms like prison cells, built in the 70's, not a finger lifted since, can't flush tissue down toilet, well situated near restaurants and bars". Within the first 4 hours of being 'home' I managed to block the toilet resulting in a flood of the bathroom and a call to the 'super'. (Trav - can you send over some coat hangers?) Enough said.

I spent Thursday to Saturday acclimatising to the cold through a mixture of sightseeing and shopping. And it was a closely run race between the two. I plan to do more committed sightseeing in the first two weeks in April - once I have finished work and it's warmer. Nevertheless I made my way to Central Park, Fifth Avenue, Time Square, Broadway, Rockeller Center, Empire State Building, Wall Street, Ground Zero and the Statue of Liberty on a whirlwind tour of the cities major sites. There is still so much to see and do. It will be a hectic three and a half months.

Consumer goods here are so cheap cheap. Clothes, shoes, electronics, alcohol, everything. I showed controlled restraint during the first two days but the arrival of The O Train (Glenn Ormsby - who was fresh from a two week shopping spree in Asia and clearly in form) on Saturday jolted me into action. Tees, jumpers, underwear, socks and, most importantly, hair product are all so cheap. There are still many items on my "wanted" list but I am holding off for things I only really really want/need.

One purchase however lasted less than 24 hours in my possession. I also welcomed a London-bound Ben Powers to NYC on Saturday night and from his previous experience (he was here on secondment three years ago) he had planned an evening at the infamous Greenwich Village bar, Fiddlesticks ("The Stick"). Already tired, I quickly added emotional to my portfolio and proceeded to introduce NYC to my "loose" side. I can't recall the time but apparently I was escorted from the venue by two 6' 8" bouncers who must have given me impeccable directions home. Somehow I stumbled my way across the city, the walk taking long enough for the others to have a few more drinks, jump in a taxi and find me fumbling with my keys at the downstairs door. I awoke with cuts and bruises from the numerous falls I must have had and could not locate the black DNKY jumper I had found for a steal at $25. Needless to say, Sunday was a write-off.

I am still to fully appreciate the American approach to going out. Plenty of seating and no dancing dominates the social landscape. On the upside, people are keen to chat and listen to country music. If you're reading this Rusty, take leave from Alspec and get over here. You would dominate. All the bars have different drinks specials every night. For Powers last night/birthday we headed down to the Village and partook in $2 Coronas and $2 Cuervos (tequila shots) all night. Would be a cheap night for anyone (Rusty - even if you bankrolling No Engwerdas).

Work commenced on Monday at Eisner LLP which is on 3rd Ave between 46th and 47th St. The weather has been good enough for Kate and I to make the 30 minute walk up 3rd Ave everyday. Fortunately I have only had to replace 43 degrees celcius in Melbourne with 43 degrees fahrenheit in New York. I have been told to expect much colder conditions over the next few months.

Training for the first week at work has been laborious. With about 20 secondees starting with varied levels of experience, the material covered has on many occasions almost induced sleep. I have quickly acquainted myself with the Poms and the South Africans - talk naturally centering around cricket, rugby and soccer. They're all nice and friendly but am reserving my opinion until I see them out on the tear. The firm is hosting a welcoming drinks night tonight for us - should have some indication after that. Otherwise I have found an Aussie bar in Soho that is showing the VB Series from back home and have invited the Springboks to join me on Sat night (first ball is at 10:15pm!!) to watch the Aussies pull their pants down again.

My (and Kate's) boredom has meant that we have had to initiate our own entertainment. So far I have convinced a number of Eisner employees that I came to New York to be closer to my cousin Heath (Ledger) who lives in Brooklyn and has just had a baby. I also have two pets at home - a dog called Sydney and a kangaroo called Skippy. Kate is passing herself off as Kylie Minogue's best friend (they went to school together at Funkytown High).

And that leaves me here. Sitting in the office during a training hiatus. Planning my next shopping raid/sightseeing adventure.

Hope everyone is well.